Daughter of Eve

 Hey !

So the past few weeks have been surreal! Firstly I am officially DIVORCED ! Doing my mega happy dance. I am free ! I AM FREE! After nearly 4.5 years of hurting bickering, crying, trying to out manoeuvre each other …it’s finally over. To say I am relieved is an understatement I never expected to have such a strong emotional response to the news though. I was so happy but also very sad at the same time. Not sad because of the loss of the relationship but sad because of all the ugliness that transpired, sad because I lost a best friend that I miss, a husband that I used to miss and sad because it’s been such a long stressful journey . I actually felt like one of those people you see on TV who get released after a hostage situation, I wanted to shout with joy but could not explain why the only thing I could do was CRY! And boy did I cry. Then as suddenly as the tears started they stopped and I am fine now. I guess I never believed the day would come when it would be over once and for all – I had really been struggling lately as well because I felt like so much was on hold because of this ugly emotional baggage (my unresolved divorce) hanging onto me. But it’s done now and I feel like a new woman J I have lost 8 kilos in 2 weeks AND I have reconnected with a blast from the past …..well if you call a few brief chats via Whatsapp reconnecting.

It’s early days and I don’t want to say too  much lest I jinx it but …have you ever had that person from your past that you find yourself thinking about from time to time? Wondering where they are …how they are doing,, if they are married..if they are happy etc. Well I have one such ex.  My friends and I jokingly call him the love of my life. He is someone that I think about with a fondness that brings a smile to my face because when we were together we were both so naive, so untarnished so madly in love that all we wanted to do was be around each other and breathe each other’s air. We dated for a LONG time  (almost 4 years) which to my teenage self felt like eternity ( in a good way) and eventually the stress of trying to have a long distance relationship wore us down to breaking point and I snapped. I could feel the shift In our relationship in subtle ways at first, then in not so subtle ways ( he just became distant) and I realized that we had taken things as far as we could have at that time and our relationship limped and whimpered its way to its end.

We have kept in touch sporadically over the years and I have dated people, he has dated people and generally we have been at different points in our lives BUT We have chatted a bit recently via Whatsapp and there has been lots of nostalgia and subtle hinting but nothing concrete has been said. I am going home on Holiday in 8 weeks and we had the whole “ we should meet up “ conversation in passing. He sent me a vey unexpected Valentines message yesterday and a short conversation ensued which had me staring at my phone in disbelief and elation for hours afterwards. The sensible part of me is saying don’t get your hopes up!  Why? Because he lives in Zimbabwe and I live here, because he could be a complete tosser now and we could have nothing in common, because I don’t know who he is seeing or what his situation is, because I could reel off another 100 reasons why I should not jump the gun.

BUT

I can’t help it, I can’t stop smiling to myself  ………he is thinking of me as I am thinking of him ………..this could be the rekindling of something that was so beautiful that nothing since has lived up it!

I just feel like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlo8TJYZHqM

 Ok so I finally took the plunge and got a personal trainer. I have started a diet – well a healthy eating and exercise program which I have decided to call INSANITY and instead of starving myself slim ( which I am good at doing) I have decided to do it the healthy and HARD way. Which means I have had to do the one thing I dread and that is join a gym. INSANITY is so called because I am trying to lose 25 kg’s in 90 days. I weigh enough to be able to do this and have worked out a diet and exercise program that is strict but achievable (for me)

I have lost 7 kilograms in the last 7 days and I think I may end up getting addicted to the gym- nothing is as gratifying as seeing the numbers displayed on that little screen at the end of your work out. I figure I am about 3 kilos away from a new pair of trousers J I only joined the gym last week and when I did I also decided to enlist the help of a personal trainer for one intense session a week. Now all my girl friends laughed when I told them about him because the first thing that I noticed was that he is HOT !!! Apparently there is no such thing as an ugly personal trainer ..it’s a marketing gimmick allegedly .

Anyhoo ….I had my first PT session yesterday and I spent the whole day in a state of delicious nervous anticipation. I use the term delicious nervous anticipation because I had that feeling that used to get as a kid .the feeling that I used to get when I did something really bad and KNEW that when my mom came home .i was going to get it BAD! To coin a phrase by the comedian Russell Peters “ Somebody’s gonna get a hurt reeeaaal bad!”

So I arrived at the Gym at 7 pm for my session with the PT aka D and as I walked through the door I kept getting flash backs of my flat mate and I laughing at people on the Biggest loser last summer.

The session really emphasized 2 things…

The first is that I am SERIOUSLY unfit – OH MY GOSH !!!!!! Last night  I did a lot of weight training and  was introduced to the cruel world of Turkish lifts, Hacks and Squats. My most embarrassing moment came when he put me on this machine where you kneel on this thing and pull your body upwards- suffice it to say I could not even do 1!! I kept bursting out into fits of giggles ……he must have thought that I was enjoying it but it was nervous laughter I tell you!!  I was warned that I would hurt badly today but it is actually not that bad, probably due to the fact that D stretched me out after the work out which was and experience within itself!!

Which brings me nicely to point number 2 ………..I  need a man!! Firstly D is a hottie .a proper hottie and so working out with him is a bit of pleasure and pain. Pleasure because I caught myself checking out his body more than once !  It started when he was showing me the proper way to do squats.  What could a sister do ….he TOLD me to watch the way his body was moving. Let’s just say he has a booty that could crack nuts. Add to that his repeated calls of “ THRUST ………THRUST ….I  like how you are thrusting” and unfortunately my mind started drifting to less noble pursuits than working out. Pain because I felt muscles that I did not even know I had being pulled and twisted.

Then came the stretching bit. When I finished my work out I went to the warming down room to stretch by myself and then he came to help me. Now  maybe it’s the conservative prude in me but I was not prepared for the way the was holding my legs open and pushing down. I was very self conscious .Infact the whole experience made me acutely aware of my body, how unfit, how inflexible, the bulges and bumps but also things like the fact that my boobs practically fell out of my top when I was doing the plank etc..i think he copped more than an eyeful.

Who knew that working out could be so complicated

So I have joined an online dating site an just thought I’d share some special snippets with you….Quote of the day:

I would say that do have a creative side to myself . I have wrote a few poemings in my time and I have a few ideas in my head about writing a novel which I keep to myself at the moment with copy right ect lol

I miss him most between the hours of 1 and 4 o clock in the morning
because that is when the silence in my room shouts out and mocks me the most
So I get up and drift from room to room in our apartment like a restless tormented ghost
And as if haunted I still feel his presence all over because he is long gone but I swear sometimes
I can still see his body’s imprint on the leather of our black sofa.
That dip in the corner where he used to casually lie, remote control in hand, feet intertwined with mine.
Friday nights making love and lazy conversations and drinking wine.

But that was before the lies, the lies that now lay with me and stay with me and wont leave me be
Once hidden they are now free to roam out in the open and although they try to be discreet
like an unwelcome house guest I see traces of them all over the place like
In my empty bed sheets, in the bareness of his closet, in the accusing eyes I see in the mirror
Every morning and evening when I wash my face . The lies seem to have made my home their base and
Since love don’t live here anymore they have made full use of the space and have invited misery and anger to move in and they seem
To delight in loves fall from grace as they squabble over which one will take loves place.

And so now I feel like I don’t belong here anymore, I find my self taking deep breaths
Every time I open the front door because I am so unsure of what I will find. Over time i have discovered that
Anger and misery have an illegitimate child named Loneliness who likes to visit in the evenings when I am at my lowest as if to deliberately cause me more distress.
- Hide quoted text -
She scares me, because when she is around she likes to come and sit right close to me and does not say much she just likes to sigh and sit and glare with her funky breath spotty face and stringy uncombed hair.
She is the one who makes me feel like a prisoner the most because when she is around I cant leave the house, I cant answer the phone, I cant
face my friends , I cant leave my bed , I cant clean and I cant, I just cant …….I cant even remember what I am living for. She makes me want to do things..
bad things……

And I wish I was brave enough to make them all just go. And even if they were to leave I would probably miss them and
They would know that its something I am doing just or show.
And were I to evict them these feelings would never be able to take all of their belongings away. And so its inevitable that some emotional baggage will go and some will stay
And I will be tied to them like a donkey to a cart, and like a beast of burden I will wearily carry them in my heart.
Until a time when I can give someone the benefit of the doubt again, when the shadows are gone and my life is bright again,
Until I can sleep through the night again. Until a time when I am no longer lying in my bed, thinking of him between the hours of 1 and 4am.

Hey blog land – hope you had a lovely weekend!

I spent the weekend with several girlfriends several of whom are in relationships, trying to get out of relationships, are married , trying to get married and getting divorced. As usual talk drifted to relationships and we got talking about “Game”

Now I am not and have never been a game player. If I like a guy I show it, if I want to see you and you suggest meeting up I will come meet you, if I want to speak to you I will call you or answer the phone when you ring me and generally in a relationship I stick to my word and am as dependable as a work horse! I always thought that these were good qualities, Right??

Well apparently WRONG ! If people are to be believed in order to land a man and succeed at the dating game you need to have “Game”  You need to treat em mean to keep em keen and all that jazz.  As mentioned in my previous posts I have been organizing women’s networking events and my quest to find new guest speakers has led me to discover a whole community of PUA’s  (professional pick up artists) As I delved deeper into the world of PUA’s I was intrigued and a bit horrified by what I found. There are people out there who are literally MASTERS of Game

Now when I say masters I mean they use various skills and techniques to pull, including Neuro linguistic programming, body language, cognitive behaviour therapy and a whole lot more. Basically they teach you everything you need to know to get someone to drop their guard so you can “get in there” they have basically narrowed it down to 3 types of training that you need:

1/ Day game- Meeting people in daytime environments,

2/ Night Game - Meeting people in night time environments,

3/ Inner game – When it comes to success in dating your inner game is going to be the foundation which determines just how much success you will have in life and with members of the opposite sex

I am super sceptical about these type of things but my research led me to you tube and I have got to admit that a lot of what they teach is quite interesting – I guess the long and short of it is a that they teach you about confidence, how to build it etc. I am a confident woman but I admit that sometimes I need help. One of our last speakers (at the networking event) pointed out that a lot of black women are single because we try apply old school values in a modern world. For example most women including myself baulked at the idea of approaching a guy and asking him out for a drink as we still prescribe to the idea that they should approach us and wine and dine us and court us.  While this is nice! And there is nothing wrong with this concept the truth is he who dares wins and in this day and age where people are leading busy lives and women are a dime a dozen you need to do your best to stand out.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking a guy if he wants to link up for a drink or if that’s too forward showing myself to being available and open to being asked out.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I think we single women need to think about “upping our game” Not necessarily by playing mind games etc but by changing tack and literally putting our best foot forward. I am a firm believer that if you always do the same thing – you will get the same results so I want to try change it up a bit and not necessarily by playing hard to get and high maintenance but becoming high value!  I have managed to secure one of the top PUA’s in the UK who has been hired by GMTV as their latest in house “love guru”  for our my next event :http://www.bigideasnetworking.com/lipsticklounge and  although I don’t prescribe to everything that these guys say. I will be there in the front row paying some serious attention and maybe even taking notes because fortune smiles on the brave and so I think its time (in the words of Dizzie Rascal) to fix up! Look sharp!

I have made friends with a few people at my new job. One of the people that I chat to the most is a Brazillian girl (BG) who works in the in house restaurant. I have developed an unhealthy coffee addiction hence spend A LOT of time in the restaurant taking advantage of the fact that we get free latte’s esspresso’s basically free everything. I was also shocked to bump into BG at my tube station one hot summers evening and we realised that we live within a 5 minute walk of each other. So now we occasionally meet up and go to the gym but generally we chat on the way home from work.  Last week we decided to catch a quick drink after work as I was meeting some mates later on in the evening to go check out the Farrago Poetry Slam. The poetry slam is a whole other post ……..think big bearded men with wild hair and sandals.

Anyway we installed our selves in the pub, ordered some bevvies and had a nice long chat.  One thing that quickly became evident is that man drama is universal! She was talking about how hard she has found it to meet someone since moving to London as most guys have a preconceived idea of how Brazillian girls are. They have a reputation in Europe as being quite loose infact a lot of the Braziliian girls that come into Europe in search of a better life end up working as prostitutes and so she has a few horror stories about men who asked her out then clearly were expecting more…a lot more. She also told me the sweetest story I have heard in a while.  She has a crush, a humungous, gigantic, enormous crush on a guy that works in my building on the 4^th floor. Apparently this guy is sweet, he goes out of his way to talk to her and every Monday he asks about her weekend. He comes to the restaurant every lunch time and occasionally their eyes meet when he looks up to catch stolen glances of her and she wistfully ogles him from behind the counter. Now I think these two should just get together but the thing is neither has made the first move and BG’s hands are tied because the company she works for are external caterers. So her biggest fear is that if she makes the first move, she may get rejected and then possibly get sacked because the dude may complain to her boss about her advances, b/ he will reject her and she will still have to see him everyday when he comes for his coffee c/ he will reject her and never drink coffee from the café again! Which will be a big fat capital A for AWKWARD!

She told me the she is thinking about writing her number on a serviette and slipping it under his coffee cup as she hands him his drink and whispering call me!  To be honest she is just scared and this really got me thinking about how hard guys have it because the fear of rejection is enough to put most women off ever asking a guy out. So for now all she can do is drool longingly from a distance and hope that something dramatic happens and that the forces of fate will somehow make their paths collide.  The romantic in me thinks she should  go for it but I have chickened out of asking many a guy out in my time so am not the best person to listen to BUT I am proud to say that I asked this guy I have been crushing on to come to a photography exhibition with me on Sunday. YIKES! He has not said yes/no yet but at least I tried and If I get rejected – I’ll live ( and probably avoid him for a really loooooong time LOL)

What’s up Blog land?

My recent unexplained absence from blog land is ………well…….explainable. I have been so busy lately trying to deal with so many things Voldemort, business, new jobs and new things.

Being the social creature that I am, I love networking and meeting new people and so I have started organising womens networking events in good old London town check out the last one: http://www.bigideasnetworking.com/lipsticklounge

Why womens events? You may ask, well womens events because I know too many women who are singing the no man blues and I think its high time we stopped complaining and did something about it. Also because I feel it’s important for us to have a forum where we can talk honestly and candidly about the issues affecting us in our day to day lives.

I hosted the first event in June and about 60 women attended and at the last event we had about 50 odd women attend. One of my guests was Des O Connor who is a young black male relationship/dating coach whose business model is pretty similar to that of Will Smith’s character in the movie Hitch – his main emphasis is on helping women find the “Right Black Man” check out his site here: www.desoconnors.com now I must admit I was a bit of a sceptic but the man has some valid hints – that can be used with men of ANY colour ( but that’s a whole other blog!) any how at my last event one of our speakers was an Internet dating coach.

Now I am not a big fan internet dating – infact my dalliances with it in the past have left me with a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. I am what you would describe as a bona fide internet dating sceptic. I can’t seem to shake off the mental image of some lonely balding fat old dude drooling over a picture of me on his PC and plotting 27 different ways to kill me and never get caught! (OK too much CSI – I know) BUT on the real though in the past I have had people Instant messaging me with comments like “Hey beautiful ..nice boobs” Arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggh that kind of stuff makes me want to Karate chop someone – Jackie Chan style! Is the internet just full of perverts or is it possible to find love online?

SO

In the interest of conducting some SERIOUS market research – I dutifully paid my £29 (for one month) and created what I though was a fairly accurate profile and posted it up there. Initially I did get my fair share of “winks” etc but somehow it never really went much further- one dude did invite me over @ 2am (mmmmm I wonder what he wanted to do with me at that time of the morning- something tells me its was not to discuss finding an environmentally friendly alternative fuel source that would help alleviate 3^rdworld debt) I have come across dudes with screen names like IWILLRIDEYOU, CHOCOLATELOVER, LETMEFEEDYOU, etc

Any way the Bryony – the internet dating coach gave her top tips listed below as fail proof ways to get at least 2 dates a week!

• Do 10 a day – meaning send  short emails to guys that catch your attention – at least 10 a day
• Pick something interesting from their profiles to comment on/ discuss
• Always have a separate sim card – don’t give out your real number, give the fake one initially that way if he turns out to be a STALKER you can just bin the Sim card.
• Don’t get caught up in playing internet cat and mouse – you need to get a date out of it so three e-mails and then meet!
• Allow him to ask you out – men like to feel like they are in control so say something like ..It would be lovely to meet up..then he should suggest a date etc

• Before you meet have an exit strategy in place- Lie and say you can only do drinks NEVER DINNER as you have an early start in the morning that way if he is a total loser you can excuse yourself and run like the wind!
• Don’t say anything on your profile that you wouldn’t want your next door neighbour to know! Most of these sites allow you to search by post/area code and so you never know who is looking at it!
• Don’t give out your address or any personal info about where you work etc and FOR GODS SAKE don’t send anyone money!
• Have a killer profile pic- actually 3 pics – one showing your face and body, one just your face, one of you doing an activity
• Finally if in doubt LOG OUT!

My I have a friend who is engaged at the moment to a guy that she met on line and another mate who has been married for a few years off the back of the tinterweb. What do you guys think has anyone had any internet dating luck?

Ok, My bad before you all start jerking your necks and snapping your fingers whilst declaring “I told you so!”  I KNOW!! Ok !I know now and knew then that things would get a bit sticky.  So The boy and I have stayed in touch for those that are not in the know The Boy is a guy that I met through mutual friends , tried to date, decided it was a bad idea  because he has alot happening in his life at the moment , so I broke it off.

Before I get going I want to be clear that it’s not that I regret ending the relationship. I ended it because I want to be in something with someone 150% . My motto for 2010 is Go hard or go home and that applies to every aspect of my life relationships included. I am tired of part time love, men that pay me lip service. I want a man to love me with more than just his mouth and I felt that because of everything that he had going on he could not give the relationship 150% so we split up after like 4 maybe 5 weeks but we kept it amicable and have actually grown to be really good friends.  Now I had never really done this friendship with exes thing and with him  I found it quite easy because we did not go out for long and because The Boy is quite easy to talk to BUT somewhere along the line the waters seem to have gotten muddy and I have found myself in this awkward place where I am part home girl, part ex girlfriend, part girlfriend?

 We still talk every day except when we are bickering, we know each others family members by name, age location profession etc even though we have not met them, we comfort each other, laugh, joke, cry and all that other stuff. My girl D.licious insists that I am dating him in my mind and you know what? Maybe I am – just a little bit.  Now that may sound weird but he is there – and I feel that he is there for me when I need him emotionally and I think that that’s possibly the most dangerous aspect of the whole state of affairs.  Emotions are dangerous, emotions are not my friend in fact emotions always f*ck things up for you because they end up taking over.  This is how seeming normal people end up doing some crazy dumb ass sh*t.  I don’t want to catch feelings and I can feel that I am headed that way. A male friend of mine told me that I am playing with fire. I guess I am – and guess what playing with fire is fun, it’s exciting it alleviates the monotony of everyday life. But deep down I know that just like playing with fire somebody is going to get burnt and it will all end in tears. That somebody almost always tends to be me.  So I feel ,like I should walk away and just leave it- stop talking to him  etc as I don’t want to end up having expectations and resenting him for the things that he is not giving me as opposed to leaving things alone and feeling thankful for the things that he did give – mainly friendship and companionship when I probably needed it the most.

I have also been accused of closing myself off from other men emotionally and have been told that I probably won’t meet anyone else as long as this dalliance with The boy continues. I guess I am in sink or swim territory and I am currently treading water but I am getting tired, my emotional limbs are growing weary and are about to seize up. I don’t want to go cold turkey and just stop talking to him because that would be hurtful and in my own way I have grown to rely on and relish the banter and companionship and his company. I don’t want to have the big “we need to talk “ moment either because I don’t think you can cajole or coerce a relationship out of a situation. I guess the truth is I don’t want to be alone- HELP!

I love the warm weather , skirts, sleeves(and hair in my case) get shorter. People seem get a bit more daring in the summer too. And those that have been slaving hard in the gym over winter finally get to strutt thier stuff. Summer has its own swgger- the laid back, meat on the barbecue- hot days long nights type of swagger. Its  like all the beautiful happy people hibernate in the winter and rewaken in the summer locked and loaded and ready to go!

Summer also brings the crazy out of people. Short skirts ( on people who REALLY should be arrested for indecent exposure) inappropriate dressing to clubs, weddings, bars , THE OFFICE. Men also seem to get caught up in the summer madness and as the days have gotten warmer so has the blood coursing through the veins of  most males in the city (or so it seems)

I have had my fair share of men hitting on me recently – none that I would date but seriously I think mens “game” also hibernates with the winter and takes a while to pick up again as I have seen and experienced some truly hideous things.

A couple of weekends ago my friends and I went to a really posh club in central london. It was so posh even the doorman had a snooty accent! So we step in the club and I notice that the only other black people in the place were working there either as security, in the cloakroom, serving drinks or in the loo.  The club is downstairs and as we started making our down the stares I notice one of the Club security guys looking me up and down in a not so subtle way. He was looking at me like it was lunch time and I was a bucket of KFC. He was practically licking his lips. So we saunter in and just as I was about to turn the corner and head to the cloakroom he reaches out grabs my hand and swings me round to face him.  Now in my head I was like “OH HELL NO!” but not wanting to live up to the angry black woman stereotype I pull my had back gentlty and try back away… then he goes

“Hi” as he is saying this he is scratching the inside of my palm with his index finger- at that I snatch my hand away as if I have been burnt. I don’t think these fools realise how REPULSIVE that is.

Before I even draw breath  to reply he goes “ I love you” now seriously – I had to laugh. Has that line ever worked on anyone??

At that moment I had to take a deep breath to calm the rage and said as ” You don’t even know me! And I am not interested ” and walked away . Now I’d like to think most normal guys would just leave it at that . But noooooo the fool decided to follow me to the cloakroom and just as I was about to pay he shouts to the cloakroom attendant “dont make her pay – she is my girlfriend” so loudly that people turn around and stare at me, then him then me again. I swear I nearly swung around and slapped him for cheapening me!! Can you imagine – you pay nearly £20 to get in a club and this guy thinks I am going to melt like putty in his hands for getting a 1.50 Cloakroom fee waived! *KMT* ( Kiss my teeth)

So I managed to escape  and try be inconspicous (as inconspicous as a raisin bobbing in a bowl of milk)  although throughout the night whilst on patrol (or whatever they call it when the walk around looking for trouble ) he kept flashing his torch  at my bum as I danced. The breaking point came halfway through the night  when I felt someone pinching my lower back – HARD.  Sure enough it was my stalker – that was IT! I went and complained about him to a manager who seemed fairly disinterested and I left in a bad mood.  Honestly black men whats up with that?

When I was younger I believed in unconditional love. I dated guys with empty pockets, stingy a$$ dudes who would rather pretend to be broke than loan their mother 10 bucks. But it didn’t matter to me. Everything I have ever wanted, I have bought with my own money. So whether a guy spent money on me or not, had a good car or not, or lived with his parents at the age of 30, I wasn’t bothered. Instead I believed in ‘building with my man’. The naïve little girl in me actually believed that ‘if you are with a man when he has nothing, he will always remember you when he has something’.
Fast forward a couple of years and throw in the speed bumps and punches of life, and I am a completely different person. Well maybe not totally different, just wiser and smarter. Wise enough to know that a stingy man in his 30’s will be an even stinger man in his 40’s and that the only loyal mammals on earth are dogs not humans. Smart enough to realise that it is important for a man to have his own things and be financially capable of taking care of me and our future children and not be ashamed to let him know that his ability to fulfil those roles impact greatly on our relationship. Let’s be honest girls, men waste no time in letting us know what they want in the kitchen or in the sack. They don’t bat an eyelid when they say ‘oh this girl is not my type’, ‘she is too fat’, ‘she is too thin’, ‘she isn’t yellow enough’, ‘she can’t cook’, ‘I don’t like her mother’, ‘she is an aje butter’. So why is it that when we are seeking to legitimately secure our future and those of our children we are automatically labelled derogatory terms such as ‘gold digger’.
However with every good bunch of grapes there is always the sour one which makes you think the rest maybe just as bad! Take for instance a guy I went on a date with some time last year (lets call him Uche). We met up at a swanky bar in London and he was absolutely stunned when after scanning through the drinks menu filled with expensive drinks that I opted for lemonade (£5.60) instead of something pricier. He told me of a girl who he had met for the first time at a similar priced bar who had ordered a bottle of Louis Roederer Crystal Rose Champagne on his tab—a £500 bottle of champagne. Although he claimed he could easily afford it, he made it clear to her that he thought it was outrageous for her to order such an expensive drink. The poor girl was so embarrassed she changed her order to a bottle of mineral water!
Another friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend because, as he put it, ‘he was tired of being her daddy’. According to him she asked him for everything under the sun. Money for hair extensions, cloths, bags, shoes, petrol, make up and would get very upset or even withhold ‘extracurricular affairs’ if he delayed payment. The final straw came when she bought a set of matching gold earrings, necklace and bracelet worth N450, 000 and sent the trader to his office to harass him for the money!
So yeah, I agree. There are ‘some’ girls who put the ‘gold’ in gold digger but these are extreme cases. Most regular women folk aren’t walking around like the devil, seeking a man’s money to devour! They just want to be sure their man can afford to take care of them and will happily supplement his income to ensure the smooth running of the home. However, in today’s relationships where the woman is already playing wife while she is girlfriend (cooking, cleaning and bedroom duties), I think it’s only fair for the man to start playing husband too.
Every man should take pride in being able to afford to take care of his woman. Personally I cannot be with a man who does not see me eye to eye on this issue and I am not ashamed to say so. Nowadays before I date a guy he must pass the financial acid test. Good job, good car, nice flat, generous with dollops of ambition and drive! Gone are the days were I was fasting and praying for a man to buy his first car only for him to put another woman in the front seat. Anh anh, my mother didn’t raise no fool! I will fast and pray with you for that promotion, while the AC of your current car is blowing me in the face. I will get up and seek the Lord early in the morning for his salary increase when I have recovered from our romantic getaway in Dubai. I will cook the best tasting Egusi soup known to man while I am in his fully fitted kitchen and furnished home. I will hold his hand through all of life’s ups and downs while he treats me like the princess I deserve to be. And if all this makes me a gold digger, then I’ll say it loud and hard, I am digging for gold and I’m proud!

This is from a book by Glory Edozien, I agree 1000%  Love does’nt pay the bills and the older I get the more I have  come to realize that this shit really matters. If you are not rolling in it at least have a goal/plan and be working towards it.  I am done with men that are good talkers. Love me with more than just your mouth…actions speak louder than words…contorovertial i know but hey….I’m just saying………..