Daughter of Eve

The last week has been dramatic, there has been so much happening in my life that I feel like I have been caught in a tornado and have been scrambling round to batten down the hatches before too much damage is done.  I went back to Uni but have decided to switch my degree because I am struggling with the “Maths” bits of the course.  Part of me is really frustrated as I really felt that I had found a course that I would be happy with and felt like I was progressing and now I feel like a total quitter.  However the realist in me knows that if I am struggling , having sleepless nights and cold sweats due to the coursework now (1 month in) the future is not looking so hot. Which brings me back to the age old question of “what do I want to be when I grow up?” the truth is at this juncture fuck knows!!

Things with the boy are ticking along but only just – I guess we are both just afraid to let go and just free fall so we are being very sensible and rationalizing and evaluating each step and so at the moment it feels like relationship rehab – I know with drug and alcohol rehab you have the 12 step program. At the moment I feel like I am in one of my own. Taking it one day at a time and all that.  Rehab because I seem to have an unhealthy addiction to certain types of people that are so not good to me and I need to wean myself of old bad habits in dating and form new ones. Rehab because I need to take responsibilty for my actions within a relationship and make choices some of which may be a quite a tough pill to swallow. Rehab because stupidly like Amy in the past “they tried to make me go to rehab and I said NO NO NO!!” 

Hi My name is Daughter of Eve and I am a love-a-holic. Seriously , after spending so long as a single girl I had forgotten how stressful this relationship thing can be. I guess when you see people walking down the street hand in hand looking generally smitten, you forget that a relationship is 2 people and personalities coming together trying to make something out of nothing and often these personalities clash. A relationship is something that is built and trust is something that is earned and with the best will in the world it can fail and crumble down around you and crush you – other times it can be so beautiful it can actually make your chest ache. So for now I am just taking each day as it comes, trying to he honest and real and will see what happens which will hopefully be a better approach than the guns blazing kiss kiss bang bang approach!

 Winter is here and with the changing of seasons I have also noticed the shift in relationships that I have with certain people around me. Some friends are have flitted away like autumn leaves in the breeze, some like trees have decided to lie dormant and will probably re-emerge within the fullness of time. Some have laid down roots with me and our friendship is growing and developing and becoming stronger.  Lately I have discovered that like most things in life friendship is cyclic and like in nature some make it and some don’t.

The last thing I have noticed lately is that some people really do suffer from big doses of Boyfriend envy. Being in a new relationship is an odd experience which is made even more so by the fact that people around you tend to react very strangely to the news that you will no longer be at their beck and call and available 24hrs a day.  Some people have reacted quite badly to the fact that I am seeing someone and his has been evident in  both male and female alike. Certain friends have been really congratulatory and encouraging and others ie a male friend that I have, have been less so (I strongly suspect that this guy has a crush on me) in fact I know he does and has for a while and whilst I have tried to put him in the friend zone and I can tell he is trying to be happy for me but I know its hard for him. Last week he asked me out to lunch via e-mail and I added DeLicious to the acceptance mail  and was like “we would love to!” LOL I felt a bit mean but I don’t think its fair to entertain other guys advances whilst I am supposed to be in a relationship. One of my girlfriends basically called me to give me a bona fide good bye call that went something like this:

 “Now you have a man I know that I wont be seeing you or talking to you as much anymore, anyway *sigh* it was nice hanging out with you and I hope everything works out” HUH???? Honestly what the fuck! I was like “chic you live 500m from my house and so I will def be seeing you as for talking to you – I will call but dang don’t you have a phone too!” The most common one has been  “where will we go now?” My house tends to be party central, half way house, hospital, hostel, hotel and whatever people need it to be – now people are freaking out because the proverbial honeymoon may soon be over as when The Boy is around I do NOT want people turning up will nilly.

For what should really just be two people getting to know each other there is a hell of a lot of fuss about what could turn out to be nothing.