Jun
5
2008
Everybody hurts sometimes………………………..
So wet met up …….it was the weirdest frigging experience of my life. I am glad I went because at least I was able to let him know how I feel/felt and about how his actions affected me. One thing I was relieved to hear him say was that he acknowledges that he did me wrong. Its been hard carrying this guilt around with me all these months- his guilt became my guilt purely because I feel that alot of people automatically assumed that I (the bitch) must have done something really awful to him (the nice guy) to make him behave in such a horrible way. I told him the truth about how I feel…………and I guess he told me the truth too.
Now the question that is in my heart and on my lips is what happens next? It felt awkward because we did not touch and that was always something that I liked about our relationship – that we always touched, held hands, kissed , cuddled no matter how angry we were with each other we always kissed each other good night. And now I can not even hug him hello or good bye.
Today I am hurting and I am hurting bad- part of me wanted to hold his hand or wanted him to hold mine and wipe away my tears as I cried. Part of me wanted to say “ baby, enough of the games- lets just go home” Part of me wanted to hear that and another part of me did’nt.
It was weird to hear that practically everyone we know is getting married or in a stable thing……I am happy for them all but it makes my own drama that much harder to deal with. The whole world and their uncle is dealing with their issues and working on their relationships except us and we are married. I guess I am frustrated because I failed so spectacularly at something that I threw my heart body and soul into.
So the long and short of it I guess is that it hurts..I have this REM song spinning around my head:
Everybody hurts sometimes:
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on
Don’t let yourself go, ’cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
Now the question that is in my heart and on my lips is what happens next? It felt awkward because we did not touch and that was always something that I liked about our relationship – that we always touched, held hands, kissed , cuddled no matter how angry we were with each other we always kissed each other good night. And now I can not even hug him hello or good bye.
Today I am hurting and I am hurting bad- part of me wanted to hold his hand or wanted him to hold mine and wipe away my tears as I cried. Part of me wanted to say “ baby, enough of the games- lets just go home” Part of me wanted to hear that and another part of me did’nt.
It was weird to hear that practically everyone we know is getting married or in a stable thing……I am happy for them all but it makes my own drama that much harder to deal with. The whole world and their uncle is dealing with their issues and working on their relationships except us and we are married. I guess I am frustrated because I failed so spectacularly at something that I threw my heart body and soul into.
So the long and short of it I guess is that it hurts..I have this REM song spinning around my head:
Everybody hurts sometimes:
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on
Don’t let yourself go, ’cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on
‘Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don’t throw your hand. Oh, no. Don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone
