Guarding my own ass…
So it has been ages since I updated my blog. I have been so ridiculously busy that I have had very little time to do much of anything. So much has happened but the thing that has been weighing on my mind is MEN or should I say the lack thereof!
I have been speaking to several friends recently who have been complaining about getting too much “loving” from their men. In fact my friend Goldens’ man is so horny that she has had to sleep in a semi sitting up position so he could not get to her “goodies” - we spent an hour on the phone talking about the steps she has had to take to guard her own ass because her new man is a 5 rounds-a -night kind of brother.
Another friend is quite smug at the fact that her hubby has just had his appendix removed and cant do any “strenuous excersize” for 4 weeks. And my friend Crazy legs can’t even bake these days as a few weeks ago she was bending over to get some muffins out of the oven and her man “pounced”
Now with everyone complaining about getting an “overdose” of Vitamin S I seem to be the only one in my crew suffering from a serious deficiency. In fact I have been on drought for so long that my mates are threatening to send a letter to the Hague to beg the UN to send “food aid”
Seriously, things are dire and now I am starting to regret not hooking up with Mcfraud for a little bit.
The problem with that idea is that my withdrawal symptoms would have been even worse!! Think crack head fresh out of rehab being given a little hit of coke!
I had to go cold turkey when hubby absconded and that was hard but was made easier by the fact that just the thought of him made me want to puke. Now I am at a any dude will do phase which is NOT GOOD.
I have started seriously looking at men in such a fucked up way and instead of looking at their faces my eyes keep trailing south …and I mean way south- have MERCY!
I watched Twilight the other night and found myself day dreaming about the lead actor Robert Pattinson who is totally not even my type.
All I am saying is people shouldn’t have naked flames near me because I will definitely go up in flames like a pylon of timber.
I have started to focus my “energy” on something more productive and so I am on a very strict diet. I have stuck with it for 2 weeks so far and have lost almost 8kg’s which is not bad in my books. Voldemort and I are nearly through and will start formal divorce proceedings in about 8 weeks. My friends are planning the BIGGEST divorce party ever ! We are calling it the Emancipation party and are going to go buck wild!!
Before I go I have a random question for y’all……I was recently invited to a “big girls only” night and I don’t know whether to be offended or not! I mean yeah I have plenty of junk in my trunk but I think it’s a bit fetishy- what think you??
