Just friends part 1
After it was over I laid back and put my head on his shoulder and wriggled up until it lay in the crook of his neck.We were both spent, sticky with sweat my mouth was dry and I could taste the beginnings of a sickening regret.
I looked to my left everything was pitch black obscured by the cover of night.
I looked to my right and I could make out some of his face and torso bathed in a single beam of moon light.
I had waited so long and at the time it felt so right but as he gripped my body and turned out the lights I felt something go out inside of me. I knew we would and could never be, just friends again.
I replayed the nights events in my head.
Earlier in the day I thought I knew exactly what I wanted but I took a wrong turn along the straight and narrow and somehow ended up in this bed.
I can hear him, I can hear his soft and gentle breathing, I know his not sleeping perhaps he is silently grieving for the death of a beautiful friendship.
I want to say something before the awkwardness and stifiling silences set in. Before we become aware of our nakedness and become embarassed and self consious, before the moment when I can no longer look him in the eye comes.
I look left into the darkness of the night, I turn my head slightly to the right. I inhale quietly and whisper gently into the static, stale Saturday night air,softly…. “hey”
I do not know what else to say, the word hangs in the air for a moment and I immediately wish that I could catch it mid flight and stuff it back in between my lips.
He stirs and his hand tightens then losens its grip on my hip and he inhales my “hey” deeply.
And in a voice that I know he uses when he is sleepy says “hey…..its going to be ok”
I can feel his coarse stubble on my forhead and it scratches me slightly as his mouth moves with every vowel and consonant.
I can’t believe that I have seen his naked body and could map its terrain out with my fingertips like continents, that I had only dared to visit when I was fast asleep.
I too tighten my grip across his belly because I long to hold onto this new territory and keep it in my possesion at least for a little while.
And I feel the ghost of a smile creep onto up my lips. I never would have guessed in the beginning of our friendship that he and I could end up like this. I look to my left I see nothing but lumps and shapes shrouded in the darkness of the night. I look to my right and snuggle up to him closer for I know everything is going to change with the coming of daylight.
jenezh 23/03/09
