Daughter of Eve

Wow i have been listening to last.fm these past few weeks and have stumbled on a real gem by the name of KEM - that was not deliberate by the way!!

I love his whole vybe, his music is so REAL I particularly enjoyed his song entitled I can’t stop loving you :
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=rkWR_4wnbus&feature=related

It’s funny …..one of the ex’s online personas is incomplete stranger- this songs speaks of meeting the perfect stranger and it sums shit up so well.

This is MY JAM - this is probably not the best thing to listen to an a cold lonely winters evening where i am sitting at home reminiscing and listening to slow jams.
That combined with the fact that i am seeing the ex tomorrow is just NOT healthy.

Kems song really struck a chord in me - its so full of regret and its just so true how quickly things change eh?  My aunt posted some pics from the Wales holiday on facebook and that took me back a bit.  Those were the last pics i was expecting to see.  That was such a lovely time.

I guess i just need to make new memories but i kinda am panicking - it was almost 3 years between my last boyf and the X.  In 3 years i will be 29 nearly 30 and the thought of not meeting anyone for a while gives me palpitations I guess its because for a minute there i actually envisaged starting a family of my own
in a way i feel like i have not only lost a husband but i have lost a family as well.  I guess that sounds crazy right?

Also i have lost 4 kilo’s in 2 weeks and am pretty chuffed - things were getting out of hand.  Its not really because i want too be healthy. Its because i want to wear tight, sexy youthful clothing, i want to feel desirable again, i want guys to look at me! I want to get chatted up by young good looking men as opposed to geriatric Jamaican men. I want to be treated well.  I want to feel appreciated, I WANT TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL. I guess i want someone to look at me and feel lucky to have me, i want someone to actually care about how my day was, to care about my feelings and to act with decency and honour. I am not sure about wanting love but I want to just get on with it.  Whatever IT is …hameno shuwa life is weird. Emotional roller coaster for sure.

still waiting………………………….I just dont know!!

But on the plus side I had a nice evening yesterday and went to a lovely pub, with friends, there was a fire and nice pub grub and good company too.  I have never been too much into pubs but I can see myself spending more lazy afternoons chilling and chatting…….

Also ..what is up with Jill Scotts new album?? I dont like it at all!! Maybe I am being unfair - Jill Scott was kinda ruined for me due to recent events and since then i can barely listen to her music let alone listen to her music objectively.

Anyway i have decided to go to at  least 1 open mic/spoken word event this monthmy creative side has re-surfaced and i need to go out and mix with like minded peeps and get the old creative juices flowing.