Daughter of Eve

The weather in London is CRAP today! Its raining bucket loads and all week on telly and in the papers they have been banging on about how this weekend is going to go down in the record books for the most rainfall.  I went out with the girls last night and had a great time - Half price drinks, me and my girls and guys good music and on the plus side i managed to catch the last tube home so it was a nice cheap and cheerful Friday.

I also managed to speak to The Boy yesterday and it is well and truly over between us. I guess there were just some things that I could not overlook.  I feel awful, I guess after being single for so long I thought that I had found someone that I could possibly have some kind of future with but alas its just not to be. If anything I have discovered that I am less willing to compromise my happiness than I would have been in the past.  I used to be a bit of a walkover.  That having been said  I think he is a genuinely lovely person and really funny and  I hope that we can maintain our friendship. I guess we tested the waters and decided  that it was not meant to be. I am actually relieved that we spoke as I had a horrible week because I could not help fretting and as a result I was not really able to sleep. I am one of those people who can’t go to bed angry or with unresolved issues. This  week without rhyme or reason he went incognito for 5 days no emails or texts NADA.  He contacted me yesterday I could’nt  mask my disappointment.  Call me needy but I just don’t think this is normal behaviour for someone who you are supposed to be in a relationship with especially since I had a really nasty fall (I fell down a flight of stairs) last week.  Anyway I am not blaming him as he has alot on his plate, I just need a bit more consistency and when it boils down to I think its a compatibility issue.  Although we spoke I cant help feeling desperately guilty even though he froze me out and refused to see me and did not speak to me for days..there is still that small part of me that feels like its my fault?? Weird or what? Anyways I feel alot more peaceful today and treated myself to a duvet day! The lack of sleep took  its toll on me and I am knackered.

My girl VimfromZim tagged me in this and so here goes…

I have just been tagged Here are the rules:

1. You can only use one word!

2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers.

3. Alert them that you have given them this award!

4. Have Fun!

The Survey

1. Where is your cell phone?

Sofa 2. Your hair? Mohawk

3. Your mother? Survivor

4. Your father? Hero

5. Your favorite food? Italian

6. Your dream last night? None (I did not dream it was more like an alcohol induced coma)

7. Your favorite drink? Gin

8. Your dream/goal? Success

9. What room are you in? Lounge

10. Your hobby? Writing

11. Your fear? Death

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Re-married with Kids

13. Where were you last night? Bar APT

14. Something that you aren’t? Patient

15. Muffins? Blueberry

16. Wish list item? New Books

17. Where did you grow up? Harare

18. Last thing you did? Eat dinner

19. What are you wearing? T shirt ,Knickers and pink fluffy slippers (Hey dont judge! Its a Duvet day!!)

20. Your TV? CSI

21. Your pets? I have a ” pet” rabbit God bless Anne Summers

22. Friends? Motivators

23. Your life? On the brink of a breakthrough

24. Your mood? So laid back I am almost parallel to the floor

25. Missing someone? The BOY

26. Vehicle? I am a public transport wench and don’t have a license

27. Something you’re not wearing? Trousers

28. Your favorite store? Ikea

29. Your favorite color? Blue

30. When was the last time you laughed? About 2 hrs ago whilst reminiscing on the phone with Dlicious abt Last nights shenanigans. (lets just say I was pulled into a drunk white dude sandwich dance last night- I was the filling and it got UGLY *shudders*)

31. Last time you cried? Two weeks ago

32. Your best friend? Co-conspirator

33. One place that I go to over and over? Dim Sum restaurant near work

34. One person who e-mails me regularly? T Nasty

35. Favorite place to eat? Dim Sum restaurant near work

I would like to nominate……………drum roll please….

My girls, Pretty Poet, Freerangetomato, atasteofangelcake, Peasontoast

There are loads of others but they have all been tagged already.

Enjoy your weekends wherever you are.

The past 10 days have been kind of mad.  Last weekend was AMAZING because I got to see the love of my life, future baby daddy, sexiest man alive general hunk of burning love aka MAXWELL!!  I went to his first London concert in 11 years with a few mates and I must say the man did not disappoint.  The man has some SERIOUS sex appeal and there were some women sitting in the row behind me who were having mini orgasms every time he gyrated – the fact that he did some risqué moves that involved grinding the stage did not help and in one of the vids I took the singing is drowned out by the heifer behind me groaning and moaning LOUDLY!!  I was not sure whether to give her a drink of water to cool her down or a slap for distracting me from the deliciousness that was taking place on stage!!!!  My friends and I knew every word to every song and when his security people were distracted I made my way  towards the stage ninja style and  got some great pics. The ticket was a bday prezzie from Dlicioius ( great seats about 8 rows from the stage)  and was probably the BEST present ever check out some highlights below:

The next couple of days after the concert were a mega downer as I was really ill with a bad cold  and just when I was feeling better last Thursday I fell down a flight of stairs at the train station (the shame of it all) and ended up being out of action for a few days. I felt better shungu and went out on Sat with my sis (who is here on business from Shanghai) and a few girlfriends and we ended up in Steam bar at the Hilton hotel in Paddington.

 I had never been but a Nigerian mate of mine had mentioned it in passing and so after dinner and bar hopping we ended  up there.  Its always funny observing mating rituals clubbing habits of different ethnic groups when I go to predominantely European clubs it seems that it all a laugh you can go dance drink your ass of and snog one or two random strangers then go home alone or with afore mentioned stranger and its all gravy.  When I have gone to South African ( Zim, SA, Tanzania) clubs its about looking good, drinking and busting your best moves while maintaining the sexiness and dancing,slowinding grinding with a cute guy who may or may not buy you a drink then going home alone having exchanged numbers in these clubs the guys tend to favour the hip hopish way of dressing jeans Timblands. In the West African bars esp Nigerian bars its ALL about the pose.

Man I have not seem so much designer gear in one room!  Bottles of Champagne, Grey Goose, every liquor under the sun.  The men were looking fresh to death.  I like west African swagger – I find (well here anyway)  they have more of an European influence in their dressing and I like it. There is something very appealing about a well groomed man.  The ladies were looking good to but the guys stole the show.  There was not much dancing from the guys either – it seemed like it was about flexing their financial muscle cue Champers and designer threads,  most just sat there and watched the ladies do their thing then oh so smoothly  (some dudes are NOT so smooth) try holla. 

 I laughed at my mate when this one guy pulled her to one side and just said – “I cook” she stared at him blankly and was like “huh”

Then he goes “I am a microbiologist and I cook” LMAO! She looked at him and said “that’s nice” and walked off. Some other dude was macking on my girl  hard and was like I will do anything for a dance with you – I will even give you £1000 – WTF!

I will give west African dudes an “A” for persistence and an A plus for confidence.  Man, some dudes in there were like 65 years old and were still trying to throw their best mack sugar daddy game down. The music was good and we did not get hassled too much so all in all it was a good night I even have a new fave Naija song – Bummper to Bumper by Wande Coal

I did not like the fact that half the club was wearing shades! Also I find that the whole I drink Crystal- coz i have so much money -look a bit pretentious as all I wanna do is dance and have fun when I go out.

I danced my booty off on my sore foot and kept myself to myself.  Things with the boy are totally on the rocks at the moment and I don’t think that I am cut out for long distance loving.  I have also realized that my bullshit threshold is next to Zero these days and after spending so long pining for a relationship I think I am about ready to do the singe thing again…*sigh*

Back to the drawing board……….

The last week has been dramatic, there has been so much happening in my life that I feel like I have been caught in a tornado and have been scrambling round to batten down the hatches before too much damage is done.  I went back to Uni but have decided to switch my degree because I am struggling with the “Maths” bits of the course.  Part of me is really frustrated as I really felt that I had found a course that I would be happy with and felt like I was progressing and now I feel like a total quitter.  However the realist in me knows that if I am struggling , having sleepless nights and cold sweats due to the coursework now (1 month in) the future is not looking so hot. Which brings me back to the age old question of “what do I want to be when I grow up?” the truth is at this juncture fuck knows!!

Things with the boy are ticking along but only just – I guess we are both just afraid to let go and just free fall so we are being very sensible and rationalizing and evaluating each step and so at the moment it feels like relationship rehab – I know with drug and alcohol rehab you have the 12 step program. At the moment I feel like I am in one of my own. Taking it one day at a time and all that.  Rehab because I seem to have an unhealthy addiction to certain types of people that are so not good to me and I need to wean myself of old bad habits in dating and form new ones. Rehab because I need to take responsibilty for my actions within a relationship and make choices some of which may be a quite a tough pill to swallow. Rehab because stupidly like Amy in the past “they tried to make me go to rehab and I said NO NO NO!!” 

Hi My name is Daughter of Eve and I am a love-a-holic. Seriously , after spending so long as a single girl I had forgotten how stressful this relationship thing can be. I guess when you see people walking down the street hand in hand looking generally smitten, you forget that a relationship is 2 people and personalities coming together trying to make something out of nothing and often these personalities clash. A relationship is something that is built and trust is something that is earned and with the best will in the world it can fail and crumble down around you and crush you – other times it can be so beautiful it can actually make your chest ache. So for now I am just taking each day as it comes, trying to he honest and real and will see what happens which will hopefully be a better approach than the guns blazing kiss kiss bang bang approach!

 Winter is here and with the changing of seasons I have also noticed the shift in relationships that I have with certain people around me. Some friends are have flitted away like autumn leaves in the breeze, some like trees have decided to lie dormant and will probably re-emerge within the fullness of time. Some have laid down roots with me and our friendship is growing and developing and becoming stronger.  Lately I have discovered that like most things in life friendship is cyclic and like in nature some make it and some don’t.

The last thing I have noticed lately is that some people really do suffer from big doses of Boyfriend envy. Being in a new relationship is an odd experience which is made even more so by the fact that people around you tend to react very strangely to the news that you will no longer be at their beck and call and available 24hrs a day.  Some people have reacted quite badly to the fact that I am seeing someone and his has been evident in  both male and female alike. Certain friends have been really congratulatory and encouraging and others ie a male friend that I have, have been less so (I strongly suspect that this guy has a crush on me) in fact I know he does and has for a while and whilst I have tried to put him in the friend zone and I can tell he is trying to be happy for me but I know its hard for him. Last week he asked me out to lunch via e-mail and I added DeLicious to the acceptance mail  and was like “we would love to!” LOL I felt a bit mean but I don’t think its fair to entertain other guys advances whilst I am supposed to be in a relationship. One of my girlfriends basically called me to give me a bona fide good bye call that went something like this:

 “Now you have a man I know that I wont be seeing you or talking to you as much anymore, anyway *sigh* it was nice hanging out with you and I hope everything works out” HUH???? Honestly what the fuck! I was like “chic you live 500m from my house and so I will def be seeing you as for talking to you – I will call but dang don’t you have a phone too!” The most common one has been  “where will we go now?” My house tends to be party central, half way house, hospital, hostel, hotel and whatever people need it to be – now people are freaking out because the proverbial honeymoon may soon be over as when The Boy is around I do NOT want people turning up will nilly.

For what should really just be two people getting to know each other there is a hell of a lot of fuss about what could turn out to be nothing.

I am extremely stressed out today…

Voldermort is acting up and I am getting more and more frustrated with his special brand of Bullsh*t! Honestly can we just get divorced already!!!! I sometimes sit back and wonder how a feeling that I was once so sure was love, proper love, forever love has rotted and decayed into a maggot ridden feeling akin with HATRED!!!!! Ok now I know Hate is s strong word but seriously lately I have been fantasizing about kicking him in the head until the “white meat shows” grrrrrrr I am so angry, infact I am beyond angry I am feeling homicidal.

This marriage thing has been dragging on for so long now that it has begun to feel like a noose around my neck which slowly tightens every time I try wriggle away and I seriously feel like I am at the end and am choking, blue lips eyes bulging wheezing - the works. I amaze myself ………I am amazed that I have managed to hold it together for so long but peeps I am at breaking point! I have always maintained that I am too cute for jail - but heck - I aint that cute!

I guess I am doubly angry because I fear that this ish with Voldermort will spill over and threaten my new relationship. No one wants to be with a woman with baggage and I don’t want to be that person moaning about her ex boyfriend drama to the new man. Infact I think I have already have brought too much of this drama into my new relationship as it stands and so I have decided to just weather it alone, I won tell The Boy anything about Voldermort even if it kills me. Which will be hard because I wont be able to fully confide in him about things that are happening in my life but I think its for the best. So my main priority for now is just to get DIVORCED!!!! honestly that man (Voldermort) should just thank God that 20% of the whole worlds CCTV is in he UK - that is the only thing stopping me from unleashing a big can of “whip ass” on him - as I said I am too cute for jail and with all these damn cameras around my ass would get caught in a heart beat.

I sometimes wish I was ghetto - you know so ghetto that I would corner him in the street and get real loud, and shout obscenities at the top of my voice whilst jerking my neck and jabbing him in the chest with my index finger- maybe even throw a punch or two all the while not giving a damn what everyone else thinks! (KMT) Kissing -my -teeth!!

The next thing that is freaking me out today is the prospect of conducting a long distance love affair. Ok granted I should have though about this BEFORE I got involved but now I am in this, I am just worried about how I will cope. I have done LDL (long distance love) before - for two years infact and that did not end very well, understandably, because we were at such different stages in our lives! He was at Uni - I was living in Switzerland and we were both experiencing different things and could no longer relate to one another. Also we were apart longer than we were together so with the best will in the world that fell apart (even though everyone thinks he and I will one day get back together make lovely chocolate brown kids and grow old together - that’s another post all together)

I have been fretting a bit about how this thing with The Boy will work - will we see each other on weekends? Every other weekend? etc Its been a while since I dated but one of the things that I like about being with someone is the intimacy and closeness. Can I cope with being in a situation where I potentially will see someone as little as once a month? Then when you do see each other try cram in as much “couply time ” as possible before one/both of you has to go. I think I will find it hard not being able to link up for a quick kiss and a coffee after work or to just crawl into bed with someone and be held on days when life gets you down. Or just do random stuff like go to dinner/ the cinema on a whim. That’s just the emotional stuff, there I also the financial and practical stuff as well.

 Ok he lives FAR away - which in itself is not a big deal but I worry about the financial impact that it will have on him if he keeps having to travel down to see me ( he has more flexibility so it makes sense for him to come down for now -his choice not mine) I feel bad, and there is a small part of me that is worried that one day he wont be bothered to make the journey anymore or may resent me. And practical stuff in that because time together will be limited I don’t want it to be a big clingfest ! In an ideal situ we would hang out do stuff, maybe link up with friends go out etc at the moment I don’t even want that! I just want to spend time alone with him and no one else to get into his head a bit see how his mind works, cuddle and do what *ahem* grown folks do. I feel like I want him all to myself for a bit and don’t want to share him! (Sméagol from Lord of the Rings springs to mind. Mine!! My precious!!)

 I don’t know guys, I have not dated in a while because I was waiting and praying for a certain type of man. And now I am seeing someone who on paper goes against most of the things on my “checklist” (and to be honest I don’t think that he envisioned being saddled with some married chick with soon-to -be-ex-hubby-drama either) and I am scared because I am at risk of really liking him and I vowed that I would go into things with my eyes wide open. It’s still too early to get worked up about anything but I also don’t want to drift along and then wake up one day and realize that I am in a situation that I cant handle. I guess the diva in me wants to be in a relationship where my feelings are reciprocated, where I can feel secure and desirable , where I can have as much quality time ( and sex LOL) as I want. I guess I want companionship and I am scared that he wont be there in the ways /on the days that I need him.

Have any of you done LDL? How did you do it?