Daughter of Eve

Phew!

I am back to the office and am glad to have my feet back on terra firma albeit just for 48 hours.  The weekend was a great success on all fronts :

Friday – Buddha Bar was nice I drank copious amounts of mojitos and my sis and co seemed suitably impressed with the venue and food BUT ( and you know there is always a but) there were the usual disputes and protestations over the bill…

“Some people drank wine! And I drank water” ………. “Wow is that the bill?” ……………… “I never had a starter” ……………….. “I only had a main”… now I understand that money is tight on all fronts but the way I see its there are only 2 options – either just accept that we all had a good evening and split the bill equally – or everyone keep tabs on what you  ate and drank and when the time comes cough up! I  hate it when everyone gives you that expectant look that says “you brought us here, now sort this out” its also VERY embarrassing to sit there is a really glitzy restaurant and start adding, dividing and subtracting on your mobile phone because people don’t want to cough up and as usual we were short…………. My sister felt bad because people were muttering under their breath about how “some people drank wine! And I drank water” and then she tried to cover the balance and I wouldn’t let her so in the end we all left the restaurant in a bad mood. But that’s just group meals for you – I find that whenever 6 or more people dine out together this ALWAYS happens unless you all go for the set menu and get your drinks at the bar.

The hen night … the hen night was interesting ….it reinforced a few things that I already knew (women can be Uber bitchy) and also made me ask some tough questions namely (WHY ME LORD!)

The bitchiness- we were all meant to meet in Islington at 5 for cocktails and drinks – the idea was to do a bar crawl of sorts to get us suitably merry for the night ahead, some people did not even turn up till 19:45pm and then it was an interesting blend of personalities.  I find that women in general can be quiet aloof borderline hostile when put in new/uncomfortable situations.  The group of ladies that I was out with was a blend of Asians, Scandinavians, Africans and English people and a lot of us did not know each other.  After sizing each other up it was very clear from the outset that personalities were going to clash – and clash they did to the point that 3 of the girls buggered off home with out even saying as much as a good bye to the hen! I thought that apart from being quite rude- it was hurtful as well for DE licious as she really just wanted everyone to get along at what was going to be one of her last big nights out before her wedding.  The events of Saturday night got me thinking about group dynamics in general and the way we interact.

In brief life I have noticed that women can be very strange creatures ……………….. most groups of friends have key people that perform some kind of role – I would not go as far as to call it a hierarchy – it’s more of a role/part they play for example:

The Ho!- every group has one – the levels of ho-iness vary but she is the one that tends to sleep around, have loads of guys about, plenty of drama, she is the one that does some scandalous stuff that you laugh at but secretly disapprove of. She is the one that never has to walk anywhere because she has an endless number of minions poised to do her bidding even if it means picking her and a group of her very drunk mates up in the middle of the night without so much as a murmur of complaint because these guys somehow cling to the hope that by endearing themselves to her she may let them
HIT THAT!! These suckers buy her stuff and she accepts/sometimes demands more ….she is the “fun and loud one” and often has a story about why she is how she is and is generally unapologetic for her behaviour. Which results in A LOT of people having a problem with her.

The sensible one- also known as the mediator, secret keeper, generally solid person, this is the one that everyone talks to when everyone is falling out with each other.  She is a good listener and it the one to go to when you need to calm down – she is the one who is most likely to be the designated driver and likes to have fun with the rest of the group but only to a point.  She tends to be hard working and generally a great person to have in times of trouble. The sensible one has a close group of friends that she will generally do anything for.

The “pleasure manager” – this is the chick that is always making a plan for the next mission – she always knows where the parties are, where is a good place to go etc.  She has a very wide circle of acquaintances and is never short of people to party with – but a small core group of friends.  She has ROBOT potential - (if you are from Zim you will know what I mean) she is confident and fun but disappears from view when there is a man in her life.  She is friendly, gets along with people and can be confrontational if the need arises.  She speaks her mind but tries to be diplomatic-she does not take crap.

The Wet blanket – also known as the whinger -This chick always has something to complain about. She is the first one to complain and put a damper on things whether it is a night out or a party.  This chick is NEVER HAPPY (well hardly ever) she is overly critical and generally moody.  She is the one that has you wondering “ why do  I even hang out with this b*tch” she is not your first choice in times of trouble as you know she will not have anything uplifting to say.  She is normally someone you have history with i.e.: someone you have known for so long you have just generally learned to tolerate he miserable ass – and you know that when push comes to shove she would have your back albeit begrudgingly! She is also the one most likely to say hurtful cr*p to you and can be quite thoughtless. She is the queen of Bitchcraft – she bitches so much its like an artform!!

The good time girls- the happy go lucky friends who you flit in and out of touch with – you hang out but keep it superficial – they would not be your first port of call in a crisis but if you had a party you would invite them.  They are good company and although you don’t know too much about each others personal lives you like them – they like you and you get along.

The mother hen – this is the chick most likely to shout “ text me when you get home” at you after a night out.  She likes to make sure everyone is ok, you can turn up at her house and she will offer you tea/food etc you know you can stay over if you need to and she would not mind.  She cares deeply about her friends and tends to make a fuss over them by organizing birthday drinks etc. She is out going but insecure and is someone who can deal with the glitz and glamour of a flash night out, but is also quite comfortable in Club Duvet aka BED

I see a little bit of myself in most of these how about you?  Anyway back to the story at hand so the strip club was traumatic as expected – it was a FULL MONTY show, lots of baby oil etc and I actually got totally chatted up by one of the strippers who was rather short but extremely well endowed LMAO he was like – “ I saw you earlier do you want to dance later?” wow I need to change my perfume – I thought I was giving out the lovely scent of Elizabeth Arden but it seems that I have been spraying myself with “ pick me I am desperate” instead!!!! (WHY ME LORD?)  After the Cabaret we hit the club and ended up having a heated argument with some drunk asian kids who were dancing like they were on E (probably were) and kept on crashing into us!

Sunday was a blur – I lost my voice probably from all the screaming and artificial smoke from the night before( I really HATE) that stuff.  The baby shower was lovely- the mum to be was glowing and people did well to bring loads of lovely presents the hopped on the Eurostar and hit Paris.  I have mixed feelings about Paris – my boss has asked me again whether I would consider moving there…last time I said no ….this time I said yes…its not my first choice but it would get me outta here and wouldn’t look too bad at all on my CV.  So fingers crossed and we’ll see.